Pattaya Parties

A Fresh Perspective: Recently a good friend of mine visited Pattaya for the first time and over the 10 days of his trip we spent plenty of time exploring the bars of the city, as well as sampling just a few of the wide variety of restaurants. What follows is based around his comments and thoughts and I think they are worth noting from someone who was not only fresh off the plane and completely new to Pattaya, but has a long-running background in the entertainment industry back in Australia.

After arriving in the early evening we went out for a quick and easy feed: partaking of the 99-baht fish-and-chips in Neeroys restaurant (Soi Chaiyapoon). Towards the end of his time here, and having quickly sorted out the relative value of prices in various boozers and munching dens, he told me, “That was a good place for the price we paid.” We later had the standard fish-and-chips dinner in Palmers nosh house (Pattayaland Soi 2) for 150 baht and it was excellent, once again proving great value for the price.

His eyes grew as wide as an owl on ecstasy as we wandered down Walking Street looking at sights and listening to sounds that surely are unique to Pattaya. The very first gogo we went into- which I won’t name because it happened to be short of what I believe will be its normal complement of chrome pole huggers and was having teething problems- proved a disappointment in his eyes. After all the hype he’d heard and read about the gogos of Pattaya and Bangkok he later told me he was decidedly unimpressed and wondered what all the fuss was about. A comment he made within a couple of minutes sitting in the den was one I’m pretty sure everyone has heard before: “Why don’t the girls actually dance and smile at the customers? They all look really bored and unhappy.” As someone else has remarked, the so-called coyote dancing dens employ damsels who move about the way chrome pole huggers used to in the early days of the gogo. As he noted, “If they smiled and inter-acted with the customers I’m sure they’d do really well.” Welcome to the dens of Thailand. We later travelled to Bangkok and visited the Rainbow II gogo in Nana Plaza and once more he noted how most of the dancers looked as if a smile would break their face.

We then went into the What’s Up agogo den of rubber and soap-suds (Soi 15) and he was blown away by the variety and quality of the entertainment. Perhaps that should read ‘bashed’ away as we sat next to the stage of women with rubber utensils and a couple of these seem to delight in using their faux phallic symbols to ‘assault’ customers. I’m sure this part of the den is hugely popular with British public school teachers and ex-pupils, civil servants, politicians and the odd retired vicar. “This is the place by which all the others will be judged as far as I’m concerned,” my friend said. By the time he left, after being disappointed by Nana Plaza and Sukhumvit Soi 4, it was the vibrancy of the dancers and the variety of the entertainment in What’s Up that stayed in his mind.
The Casino Club head-bangers auditorium (Soi Diamond) held a midnight dance contest on Sunday 9 September and my mate was among the judging panel. There were 23 dancers representing Casino Club and eight other contestants from Bangkok. The very first dancer, Khun Tooktah, from Casino Club was the most impressive and scored a deserved victory, collecting 3,000 baht. Two dancers, one of them from Bangkok, tied for second place with two other Bangkokians sharing in third prize money. Once again the energy and atmosphere within Casino Club combined to produce a very positive impression.

The Hell Club (Soi LK Metro) lived right up to its own publicity and reputation as a den of sensual pleasure. An hour and a half of playing hide-the-salami with a pair of supercharged mattress actresses left my friend as dry as the Gibson Desert. As he left he said he encountered a couple of potential customers who were still trying to decide whether they should, or shouldn’t, partake of the forbidden fruit inside. He said, “I told them they’d be mad not to try it.”

He enjoyed the Blues Factory (Soi Lucky Star) with its Filipina lead singer and band doing tunes such as ‘Proud Mary’ and ‘Simply the Best’. As a professional piano player/singer as well as running an entertainment agency, he said, “I’d had enough after about three-quarters of an hour. They were good, but 12-bar blues is 12-bar blues and there’s only so much you want to listen to.”

Surprisingly, he wasn’t impressed with the dancing of the coyote girls in the Secrets laid-back lounge (Soi 14). Admittedly, he was in the joint well after the witching hour and I’ve no doubt by then most of the short-shorts wrigglers were tired from their exertions and there weren’t many left to man the podiums.

The Beefeater restaurant in the little arcade running parallel to Soi Diana and the always-busy Cherry munching den (Third Road, opposite X-Zyte) were given high marks for the quality of their product and their overall value for money.

Down in Soi LK Metro, the Gorkle play palace proved to be pretty bland. While there were a reasonable number of chrome pole huggers cavorting about, it was the standard pressure to “buy me dlink” that really annoyed my friend. As we all know, this push to buy a damsel a drink applies to every place offering booze and ladies and he encountered it time and again during his stay.
We tried the Butcher’s Arms restaurant and pub (Soi Buakhow) for breakfast one morning and were satisfied with what it had to offer, but it was the Pattini café further down the road (opposite Soi 21) that was given the thumbs up for future breakfasts as the quality of its coffee ranks it among the best in Fun Town.

Finally, an old favourite haunt, the Boxing Roo beer boozer (Third Road, opposite Soi LK) played host to a couple of enjoyable parties. One of its key attractions, apart from two pool tables which are free for customers to use, is the boozer shows all the best of any sport. With the Rugby Union World Cup set down for decision

I’m happy to say my friend was impressed with our little sleaze-pit by the sea and will be returning, while he couldn’t care less if he ever sets foot in the Big Chilli again.

Who’s in Charge of the Asylum? Wandered into the long-running Paris gogo (Soi Diamond) on a lazy Saturday night recently and it was once more noticeable that when the whip-wielder (aka manager/owner) is away, the little creatures of the night will play…amongst themselves. That is unless there’s a walking wallet willing to empty his pockets of notes by way of buying lady drinks. The music was passable, but loud. There were about 25 dancers, which is not a bad total for a small den such as this, although the ever-widening girths of a number indicate the level they have reached on their path to affluence.

What’s becoming more clear as the years drift by and the number of dens of the chrome pole just keep on opening, is that no one place can now lay claim to having much more than a few truly physically attractive ladies of the shuffle. A place with 20-25 dancers, such as Paris or pretty much every other den in town barring about a dozen or so, might be able to suggest they have between three and five ‘good sorts’. Places with 40 or more girls, and especially the so-called show boozers, can legitimately claim they have 10 or maybe a few more.

He’s Back…Again: Khun Satit is one of Fun Town’s longest-running bar managers and operators and after spending some time running a fishing park, probably easier getting fish on a baited hook than attempting to get dancing damsels to do more than shuffle like shackled inmates at an old people’s home, he returned to Dracula-like hours in the Highway Star gogo (Beach Road, entrance to Walking Street). He then moved down to help out in the Sweetheart’s den on the main drag, but has more returned to Highway Star. The den now has a Jacuzzi –hardly unique these days- but desperately needs about 20 more damsels if it’s to look even remotely busy. Liver wasters are 110 baht after 10:00PM, which currently represents no value whatsoever considering the dearth of dancing talent. They have a 45-baht happy hour from 8:00PM and I would suggest that’s the time to wander in if you want to see what the place has to offer.

Hardly Wild or even Wet: One customer -a resident of Center Condo- two dancers and three sitting down, that was the sight I saw in the Wet N Wild gogo (South Pattaya Road) recently. I didn’t stay for a drink because I couldn’t see the point.When it opened as Blue Lagoon I thought it was pretty ordinary most of the time, but this looked absolutely desperate. The place is nicely appointed and probably has potential, but in these tough times I can’t see it doing very well.

Piece of Pith: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.